Evaluate Your Time & Energy & Turn Your Wounds Into Wisdom

Looking back on the last few years, heck even the last 10 ish years, I continue to learn many things.

I used to work for Corporate America and in doing so thought, I could never work from home, I just wouldn’t be motivated enough – little did I know.

I thought I had all these friends in Virginia, until I left there for Texas and because I was out of sight and mind, I was truly out of mind – oh how little did I know.

I thought that if you create things, they will come – little did I know.

I thought that if I could be so excited about something, others must be too – little did I know.

I thought that if you raise them up right, they will stay that way – little did I know.

I thought that if you went to these networking meetings regularly, that eventually there would be trust and then potential referrals or clients – little did I know.

Sure some of these things sound pitiful, and sure, maybe they are, but I don’t let them define me (reminder, Kristen, these do not define you (on repeat)).

Lessons learned…

Then, I moved to Texas and started my own business, 7 years later, started a second one. I learned that I AM very motivated, I am very disciplined and I love being my own boss. Sure, it’s hard and not everyone can do it. There will be those who think they can but don’t, and those same people may judge you.  I never thought I would own one business, let alone two, who knew?  Clearly, something inside me know.  Because…..every day I am hustlin’!

I learned that friendships will definitely come and go, but that some friendships weren’t all meant to last a lifetime, but each has it’s season.  I learned that I need to focus on what was valuable in those friendships and sometimes it was the loss that was a lesson.  I learned that when friends unfriend or disappear, LET THEM walk away, they are no longer in your journey, and that’s okay.

I learned that no matter what I sell, whatever I create or whatever I am excited about, it’s just not always loved by other people. I can put things out there and when people decide that it is the time, they will come. I also learned, and I have said this to myself a LOT, I can not want it more than them. Sure, I want to help people, but THEY have to want to help themselves too and if they don’t, that’s on them.

I learned that children won’t be exactly how you raised them, match how you mold them or even everything you hoped they’d be. But I thought, surely our parents thought that way about us, until we pulled our heads out of our a$$es and turned into greatness (well, some of us – lol).   But at the end of the day, THAT is what makes THEM awesome, that they get to have their own identity, their own mistakes, their own troubles and triumphs and their own journey. It is no longer about you, it’s about them.

I learned that some business owners just don’t want to help themselves. They are self motivated and really only there to see how they can help themselves. Hello, that is not networking, that is getting an unpaid sales team. Yea, not this girl. Then there are those that come to networking meetings for the social aspect and that’s okay too.  Just as long as you know that, and learn from it. So I learned to pick and choose where I wanted to network… and IF I wanted to network. Because, if you truly network, you truly hustle and build relationships – then those relationships will always be there, in touch, regardless if you go to a meeting or not. Just be sure you do the work, and I DO the work.

So, through the disappointment, pity or sadness, I found lessons, I found strength and I am LEARNING FROM THEM. Every day!

Focus on your time & energy

So my whole point to saying this, is I hope you will focus on where you spend your time. I had written a post, my very first post for this business, I might add, about Time and Money.  It discussed how valuable our time is and that as business owners, we must spend time on the things that make us the most money. It’s about outsourcing what doesn’t make you money.

So if we think about this same type of thing with our lives, maybe we just need to outsource some of the friendships, let other people have them. Don’t let those who drain our energy, take that power or control from us. Regain our energy and give it to those who deserve it, and better yet, who WANT it.

Do your work, hustle your business, educate people, network and get your name out there. Those that want to grow and want to make the changes that your business offers or want to buy the product you sell, they will. If they don’t, let them go. Don’t chase work. I have always said to myself, if you have to chase them to GET the business, then you will be chasing them for everything.. and that, is a time suck and a waste of my time. Folks, it’s not worth it! Focus on the business owners that WANT to grow, that want your products, that want your services. Keep hustling and keep building those relationships.

If we focus on what networking events bring us the most connections, and we build and foster those business relationship, we would be better off. Let the groups that turn more social, let them be social. Spend the time and energy where it’s most valued.

Continue to reach out to your children. They are learning now more than ever and as they learn, they grow and hopefully you have built a lasting relationship that they will reach out when they need help. And if they don’t reach out now, because they are going through things, that’s okay, they will. (I hope) They still have to learn on their own, maybe the hard way, and figure out how to pull their head out of their a$$.  That’s okay, some folks learn the hard way, but that you/we/me will be there for them on the other side, waiting… patiently, with open arms… it’s just life.

Continue finding new friends and spend quality time with them. Give them your energy and if they return that energy…. foster THAT relationship. Be with people who WANT to be with you and want to put as much energy in building the relationship as you do.

STOP trying to please everyone

It’s not going to happen.  Let me say that again…… IT IS JUST NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.  So Stop It!

I am a people pleasurer and man have I been disappointed in the lack of reciprocity of it all. It really does suck the joy out of life, and that, is not me. If we all have learned anything from the last 2 years (well, our lives)… joy is necessary. Otherwise, what’s the point? So, stop letting folks suck the joy out of your life. (Kristen, are you listening to yourself… Okay, I’m here, I’m listening).

Bottom line

Life….this is why we are here – it’s all we have here.

We need to spend time doing the things we love. Sometimes it may be super little things and that’s okay. Relish the little AND big things

We need to spend time with folks that we enjoy and who reciprocate that joy, because they deserve our time and vice versa.

Make the extra effort to reach out to those you love and care about.

We need to do the work we enjoy and work for and with folks that want our business.

We need to stop trying to please everyone.

We need to let those that suck the life out of us go on about their day, their way, without us.

Focus your time where you have the most joy, which gives you energy, peace and love.

Anyways, hope this was as helpful for you to read as it was for me to write and get off my chest.  I know this was a little off my typical beaten path but it is so relevant in our lives today, and everyday. It’s super pertinent to small business owners and everyone. I would LOVE to see what hit home for you… what you have had to release that sucks the life out of you, but no longer does.

~Kristen